Tuesday, August 24, 2021

A Summery of Sommer Summers Past

 

A Summery of Sommer Summers Past

 

Family.  It has always been about family.  Appreciation for such a thing as family only increases with the passing of time and the gaining of wisdom, and at age 47, I’m well past the point of knowing just how lucky I have been in this life regarding that thing.  For OUR family, a major ingredient in our bond has been our ever-present home away from home.  Call it a cottage, call it a “summer home,” call it a lake house…the semantics don’t really matter, nor does the form or the location…it is and always will be…about family.

 

For myself, this memoir is both catharsis and a way to preserve the memories and feelings of my youth that I will carry with me throughout my journey on this mortal coil.  For everyone else, I just want to provide some laughter, a touchstone to our past, and convey the appreciation I have for those I hold dearest in this world.

 

IOLA

 

Wisconsin is and always will be my favorite state, thanks largely to the memories I’m about to recite, but also because of its unassuming homeyness, its plentiful gin mills, its cheese curds…and even the Green Bay Packers.  To this day, I just feel at home in Wisconsin…and that feeling was cultivated and took root in the center of America’s Dairyland (as the yellow license plates declared) …a town of 957 people, home of the old-time car show…Iola.

 

The neighboring towns of Scandanavia (population 292), Amherst and Rosholt could not boast of having an NFL quarterback in their palmares, yet Iola’s most famous son holds the league record for most interceptions…most of them tossed in the direction of Hall of Fame receiver Steve Largent in Seattle.  The billboard outside of town proclaiming Dave Craig’s birthplace was quite literally a sign for young Mike that the long ride in the blue van (later a yellow van), was coming to an exciting end.

 

And those van rides…we played the alphabet game (it was slightly easier when Zenith was still in business), the license plate game, Trivial Pursuit, and the ever-famous “WILL you kids shut UP!” game.  I remember laying under the bench seat listening to the exhaust after the muffler fell off on one trip and learning new and exciting words from Dad when 294 was backed up or under construction (which it inevitably was).

 

We’d get there in the dead of night (or at least it always seemed that way).  I recall having to shovel our way into the driveway way back when winters were winters.  We’d unlock the doors and Dad would have to make his way to the crawlspace to turn on the water and the heat, while Mom would get our sleeping bags out so Shelly and I could stay warm until the house heated up.  It was my first experience with late night TV…on a black and white television repleat with rabbit ear antennas.   All I know is that I couldn’t sleep because even though it was late, I was too excited for the morning.

 

Sleeping arrangements and general layout of the two-bedroom A-frame are a wonderful mystery to me even now.  The narrow staircase behind the fireplace, the kitchen with the calendar hanging on the pantry door with various species of birds on it (I picked the bluejay as my favorite, and it remains so to this day).  There were two stools with steps built in for us short kids to sit on a breakfast.  I always picked the Green Bay Packers glasses over the Bears when it came time to eat…although I remember the Smurf and McDonalds themed glasswear (one of the reasons my FAVORITE snowmobile bar…Wittig’s Point in Boulder Junction…has this esteemed status is because THEY HAVE THE SAME GLASSES!)   Pullout couches in the living room, and the two slant-ceilinged bedrooms somehow housed TWELVE of us when we were at maximum-Graf/Sommer populous.  At least by that time, Rose’s Roost was built, and when the weather was right, a bunch of kids could “sleep” in the loft (or, in my case, stay awake reading “Harry and Charlie” columns in BassMaster magazine with my cousin Phil.  For the record, I currently own and have read the entire archives (four volume’s worth) of H and C…and it’s STILL funny).  It’s tough to forget the insane amount of laughter that was generated when the trundle bed folded up on Phil.  At this point, I find myself wondering what ever happened to that awesome rug depicting the bullfight?

 

There are moments of legend and lore in our family that I did not personally witness, but this recollection would be incomplete should I fail to mention them:  Chiefly, Grandpa’s prescient invention of the Bass-O-Matic, and Mom’s infamous encounter with the stairs following an evening with Yukon Jack.  To this day…I’ve never tasted Yukon Jack…I wonder if Mom has had any since?  Looking back, I’m guessing alcohol might have fueled quite a bit of the adult entertainment…all I know is that my earliest recollection of a bar was it being referred to as a “gin mill,” and oh…it had the St. Paulie Girl poster.  To this day, a good northern WI bar is among my favorite places on the planet.

 

I’ve always been an early riser.  I remember staring endlessly at the tiny white alarm clock with it’s softly glowing orange face…just WAITING for the appointed hour when I could get out of bed and go FISHING.  Ideally…rising early going fishing with Grandpa was the ultimate plan…however, a solid 90% of the time, I’d be bounding down the stairs fully dressed and ready to rock only to find a snoring elder…so I’d have to make my way quietly past and head out to the piers to drown some worms until called in for breakfast.

 

Fishing was the end-all/be-all of my Iola existence.  We’d grab a couple tubs of nightcrawlers and a bucket of minnows at Sportsman’s in town…I’d always want a lure, but never got one (probably because I wouldn’t have known what to do with it, lol).  There were two piers, one with the boat lift attached and one in the center of the shoreline…the one by the lift was often too weeded up to fish off…but it had the distinction of being the place where Mom saved my life after I fell in.  The secret to fishing off the other pier was to bait the hook and cast…and catch a fish.  Every. Damn. Time.  If you wanted a BIG fish, you hooked a minnow and cast out to the lily pads…and waited an hour or so…then reeled in a northern.  It was pretty simple, really.  If you wanted perch or bass, you popped over to Dave’s pier next door.  I never knew Dave, or even SAW Dave, but I really liked fishing off his pier.  Bullheads were the worst.  If you caught one, you needed the spikey glove from Grandpa’s tackle box to get if off the line…and then you chucked it into Friestedt’s yard.  As a kid, I thought this served two purposes…1) to rid the lake of “uglies,” and 2) for some reason, we didn’t like Friestedt.  I’m guessing that ended up being some fertile land.

 

If you DID get to go out on the boat (after Grandpa woke up), you had options.  There was a silver v-bottom aluminum boat that seldom got used, a greenish aluminum v-bottom that, as I recall, had an Evinrude motor on it and leaked, and then there was the red fiberglass tri-hull with the 7.5 hp Johnson (I’m just now putting together where my penchant for red boats may have come from).  Give the bulb on the gas can a couple squeezes, hit the choke lever, and give the cord a couple pulls…that was probably the first motor I ever operated…and the first boat I got to drive.  The channel by the Norseman was always a hot spot, although I remember catching a bass on a Johnson Silver Minnow on the other side of Bird Island.  We’d go downlake towards Zeno’s house on occasion, but weeds were a big factor over there.  The final piece of the boating puzzle was the little green rowboat…tied to the dock.  Oh how you parents must have laughed at that little piece of entertainment…”Here kids, try the tethered rowing!  It’s FUN!”  Launching and “winterizing” were pretty simple…just pull the boats up on land and flip them over.

 

The Fish Dish certainly deserves it’s own paragraph…how I wish I still had the score sheet that assigned point values to each species and listed the places each year.  In retrospect, that Tony Graf was a pretty smart kid.  My scheme for winning played out to perfection when I caught bluegill after bluegill as others went for the bigger-point fish like bass and northern.  I won a “Genuine Georgia Cane Pole.”

 

What else did we do for fun up there?  Well, in the summer time, there was badminton, catch with the football or frisbee, bow and arrow (with an orange straight bow and a red compound bow), climbing up to the “tree fort,” and a memorable occasion when I was asked to cut down a dead tree…which I got about halfway through with the saw and then pushed over because the roots were all rotted away.  In the afternoons sometimes we’d walk to town…sometimes to just see the dam, sometimes to use the pay phone.  Another popular walk was over to visit Zeno and Irma.  I will FOREVER relish my time visiting them with Michelle early in our marriage…such wonderful people.  In winter, there was shoveling off the ice for some skating, a bit of ice fishing (BORING), and my two favorites:  sledding and snowmobiling.  As I recall, the hill at the end of the road by the boat ramp was at LEAST 200 feet tall, and our saucer sleds would nearly hit the sound barrier before launching off the ramp at the bottom and sending us flying hundreds of feet through the air and crashing to the ground in a heap of laughter.  The toboggan was at least TWICE that fast, as evidenced by Dad breaking his glasses on a headfirst run all the way out to the lake.  As for the snowmobiles, the ones I currently own will never be as dear to me as that 1971 Arctic Cat Panther 440 or the 1973 Moto Ski 340.  “If you can start it, you can ride it.”  Oh yeah I started it.  My career as the pilot of my own machine began after Mom ran us up an embankment and nearly tipped us over.  I remember every second of the near-miss on the way home from the bakery in town…running across the lake with Dad and Shel on the Moto-Ski and me behind…when suddenly the Ski stopped dead, as the bakery bag got sucked into the open air-intake.  45 mph was damn exhilarating…as was the sound of the metal cleat on the track breaking off in the tunnel!

 

Lots of memories seem to relate to food…perhaps it’s that usage of the senses that burn it into your brain.  For me, Iola was all about beef jerky and salami sticks all day, washed down with whatever pop was in the cooler.  Orange can was orange, purple can was grape, green can was ginger ale, blue can was cream soda, brown can was root beer.  Of course, one cannot omit trips to the stinky cheese factory, where my still insatiable predilection for string cheese and curds was birthed.  If we went out, it was to the Country Club across the lake, or, to the Triple O at the intersection of O and OO (I would DEMOLISH the crackers at the center of the table).  There were ill-fated trips to the Crystal CafĂ© (I think someone had bad food there once?  I DID eat there when I went up to Iola for a WORS race years ago and it was fine, lol) and The Coin…where there STILL may be people waiting to eat from 1985.  We’d go for ice cream at Gator’s Drive-In, or, head to the BIG CITY of Waupaca for some ice cream (Blue Moon, thank you) and a movie.  If we stayed home for the evening, hot dogs and brats over the campfire, followed by S’mores…and the occasion of Nick Graf walking into the lake.

 

It feels great writing these things down, but the oddest thing is happening now that my memories are tapped out…I’m feeling a great wave of sadness, just like I did when we drove away from that incredible place for the last time.  It hurt me to my soul to lose something I loved so much, I certainly left a piece of my heart in Iola.  Having that feeling still exist all these years down the road is a true testament to what that place meant to myself, and to our family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silver Lake

“What are you, stupid?”  This classic Uncle Larry line stated in reference to not knowing our own address on the very first pizza order to our new family gathering place just north of the IL/WI border will continue to live in infamy.  Silver Lake, WI was not the quaint, Northwoods hovel that was Iola, rather, a small vacation community with a sketchy town and a gorgeous 500 acre sand-bottom lake.  We now had double the amount of bedrooms and ½ the amount of drive time.  Strangely enough, even with the additional room, we never seemed to be up there all at once with the Graf family…most likely due to increased sport schedules for both families.  Even though Silver Lake was the shortest tenured of our second homes…in a lot of ways, it was where a VERY distinctive part of me was birthed and honed…specifically, the motorized watersport part.

 

I’ve been told that my mother hated the house from day one, and I’m not exactly aware how the decision to buy on Silver Lake was even made, but to me it was immediately two things…#1) NOT Iola, and #2) relatively weed-free.  Where Iola was a fishing lake, Silver Lake was most definitely a swimming lake.  A perfect shallow sand bottom extending out 200 feet from shore and an awesome sand bar not too much further out from that meant being in the water for DAYS.  My memories of the house itself include the bookshelf by the kitchen where I used to poach reading material from Uncle Larry and Grandpa, the awesome deck that overlooked the small front yard, the narrow tree lined driveway that was too bumpy to skate, the sauna attached to the downstairs bath (that I don’t think we ever used), and the “kids room” full of bunk beds.  The latter was rapidly decorated by me (I was in the early stages of pinning anything and everything to the wall) with a bunch of Porsche posters the previous owner had left behind.  I have fond memories of lying on the top bunk at night listening to Dr. Demento on my Walkman, and falling asleep to the sounds of INXS, Genesis, or Richard Marx.

 

I’m not even sure how or when the decision was made to purchase Jet Skis, but when we got two 1987 JS300SX stand ups, I pretty much immediately fell in love.  I know the very first ski I rode was at the Gillespie house on Bass Lake, and I know I had a LOT of fun on it…WAY more fun than water skiing or tubing or knee boarding…and that I was both amazed and excited to have the opportunity to ride our OWN skis.  This marked a very definitive end to my previously unassailable love for fishing…somehow going fast trumped sitting still in my mind…and still does.

 

Silver Lake was where I first ran afoul of THE LAW.  Firstly, it had the most ridiculous law EVER in that there was NO WAKE until 10am.  This is patently absurd when you are awake at 6am and have jet skis and a couple cans of gas to burn.  9:55am usually saw me, clad in my neon orange O’Neill wetsuit and Nike Aquasocks, in the water with my thumb on the START button.  I remember Dad riding with me at first, and occasionally Shelly, but mostly I was out there on my own.  I would mostly stick to the area closest to the house (but still quite a distance from shore due to the NO WAKE area), trying to learn new freestyle tricks and perfect my turning.  Falling off and letting go meant having to wait for the ski to circle back to you…in retrospect, probably not the greatest of design theories, lol.  The Water Patrol had something to say to me when I repeatedly fell whilst learning to tail stand …which I had to do by inducing a powerslide as I wasn’t really big enough or heavy enough to effectively sink the back end of the ski.  Shortly after, the DNR pulled me over and told me I wasn’t old enough to ride…which led to research into the rather ambiguous laws of the time…and eventually to a 6 week Coast Guard class…the lessons from which I still use today when I’m on the water.   Cousin Phil wasn’t as lucky as me, garnering a fine from the police after they determined that he had violated the NO WAKE area.  On occasion, I’d run the ski across the lake to the state park beach, or just do a loop around jumping wakes.  I remember burning through a couple tanks of gas per day…also going through batteries like they were going out of style.  Unfortunately…when the latter occurred, it meant a trip over to Lake Geneva for a new Yuasa.  It seemed that either one or the other of the 300s would not be running at any one time…and that experience taught me my first lessons on working on an engine…maintaining oil levels, changing spark plugs, swapping batteries…and eventually tearing down the motor completely, changing the head, adding an aftermarket pipe, impeller, intake grate, and new tray mats.  The addition of the 1990 550SX in the summer of 1991 was peak excellence in my young life…to this day I want another one.

 

The method of getting the skis in the water was to grab them with the beach caddy from their respective carpeted spaces in the garage, then roll them down the short grade and into the back yard, where they were bumped up to the section of pier we used to ramp down the railroad ties to the sand of the beach.  At night, we’d pull the skis up on the grass.  It was JUST hard enough that I could do it by myself but getting them back up to the garage was usually a two-person task.

 

Speaking of people, this was the time when we started bringing friends to the lake.  Shelly would bring Lisa, or Jill, or Andrea, I would have John, Alan, Jeff, Cory and Scott.  I remember having the whole XC team up there, and the handle pole breaking off the 550 shortly afterwards.  Also…one of the girls somehow managed to nearly sink one of the skis.  Teaching people how to jet ski was fun, as were the other activities we’d participate in…such as relocating the clams we’d find with tennis rackets, extreme canoeing (as invented by Phil and myself), and utilizing the pontoon boat for water skiing, tubing, and knee boarding.  Uncle Mike had gotten into golf prior to one of the Curtain family visits, and we spent some time hitting golf balls into the lake…he also quite infamously kept me awake for an entire night farting on the couch.  We’d be up with Grandpa quite often, and occasionally he would be accompanied by the clergy…in the form of Sister Gabriel and Father Gillespie.  Is it at all strange that the mass I will forever remember was the one lasting a grand total of 4.5 minutes (replete with homemade host) on the deck on a lovely summer evening?

 

Evening fun usually included walks towards town to the public beach, but mostly to Dairy Queen for a Blizzard.  Tony, Phil and I had an excursion to the local gas station turn eventful when we encountered a local kid that had been slashed by a knife…we got out of there pretty quickly!  Excursions to Lake Geneva were commonplace, and dinner out usually meant a trip a couple blocks away to Packers (which is still there…and still decorated ½ Bears, ½ Packers), or Marino’s.

 

We didn’t make it up there too often during the winter, but I won’t ever forget riding the Arctic Cat on the lake and having the fuel line fall off the carb.  The sled died, and, it being a warmer day, the snow and ice started melting and before I knew it I was in 6” of water.  I tried and tried to restart the thing, and finally found the problem and got out of there…and I STILL have a healthy fear of riding a snowmobile on a lake.  So there’s that.

 

Finally…a memory that ended up having some serious repercussions on my later life…I first heard the sounds of a big block marine engine.  Papa’s Toy was a 24’ Liberator from just down the way, with open exhaust that could be heard every time the owner fired it up.  Top Gun was a 24 Baja Sundowner, and when those two boats would be on the lake at the same time racing…well…something triggered in my soul.  This was also PRIMO Miami Vice time in Mike’s life…add these things up and the completely irrational ideal that is offshore powerboat ownership starts to take shape.

 

I was more shocked than saddened when Silver Lake was sold…I think because it more represented a break in the family ownership dynamic with the Grafs.  From now on, we’d be on a Sommer summer home journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paw Paw Lake Condo

 

The first time I visited Paw Paw Lake, something was very wrong.  The afternoon prior, I had been sitting in math class when I noticed a bunch of bumps on my hands and fingers.  When I got home, Mom did what Mom would do for such things…apply calamine lotion (does anyone use that stuff any more???).  I reported back to school and jumped on the bus to the Sectional track meet, where I was to run the 2 mile.  I had not been beaten all year in that particular event, and this was the final race which would advance me to the state meet.  I led for the first ½ mile, then all energy seemed to leave my body, and I barely finished.  Something was wrong.  In the car the next morning, as we approached our new condo, I looked at my hands and some of my fingers were swollen to twice their normal size.  The calamine lotion wasn’t working.  A day or two later, I was diagnosed with mono, and finished my senior year in bed.

 

When I regained my health and my strength, one of the first places I went was Paw Paw Lake.  I remember the doctor being quite serious about the potential to rupture a kidney or spleen or something, but I wanted to play beach volleyball and ride the jet ski, and that doctor nonsense wasn’t going to stop me.  The first “friends” I brought up were Michelle, Roxanne and Kevin for a post-prom excursion.

 

Initially, we had two of the three standup jet skis from Silver Lake…one 300SX and the 550SX…as our only means of being on the water.  We were also still using the same method of launching the skis with the carrier, as we didn’t even have a lift yet.  Our condo was pretty awesome…2 bedroom second floor unit with a nice balcony overlooking the biggest beach on the lake…plus a pool and tennis courts.  The fish mural Mom had decided on when decorating took a Mike-inspired turn with the addition of a huge shark on the kitchen wall…some of my finest-ever artwork, if I do say so.

 

The first FULL summer at Paw Paw, we added our very first boat, a 19’ Four Winns dubbed “Sommer’s Here.”  We also sold the 300SX and added a Sea Doo SP sit down, and lifts for all three watercraft.  We were officially in the business of full-tilt lake house…replete with water skiing, tubing, knee boarding and a LOT of jet skiing.  Dad was particularly happy pulling people on the tube, and his proudest moment as a captain is most likely when he came back to pick me up after a particularly spectacular wipeout and saw me puking in the water.

 

Exploring our new locale included trips to the ice cream shop down the road, checking out the nearby town of South Haven, and hastily driving over to the beach off Hagar Shore Road to catch the spectacular sunsets over Lake Michigan.  The lake itself was twice the size of Silver Lake, and much busier.  Boat cruises immediately became a thing, and I remember queuing up the perfect Jimmy Buffet songs on the tape deck of the boat when taking trips around the islands.

I was in college by this time, so my experiences at the lake were limited to the summer.  I had my college teammate John up once, in addition to Michelle on occasion, plus John and Cory…with whom I perfected some seriously stupid human tricks on both the standup and sit down skis.  I acted as a “chaperone” for Shelly and her friends following her prom.  Dad and I ran the Blueberry Fest 5k…I finished second, he got beat by the Blueberry and subsequently retired from running.  We’d spend time just watching “Crazy Grandpa” from across the beach go nuts on his Sea Doo XP, and I met the Paw Paw Lake ski club.

 

The training room at Ball State wasn’t the place I expected to forever alter my experience at Paw Paw Lake, but a random conversation with Kristy when I was being treated for one of my many injuries resulted in just that.  She had been going to Paw Paw her whole life, so hooking up with her and her friends that next summer was a LOT of fun.  And beer.  Lots and lots of beer.  In all honesty, I WAS hoping to water ski with the Paw Paw Lake water ski club, but I believe that only happened ONCE…they were MUCH more interested in drinking than skiing.  I’d head out on the standup and disappear for the day…spending some time just floating alongside whichever pontoon boat had the keg, or playing beach volleyball at Robin’s house.  The only hiccup was when evening came and I had to bid them farewell when they went to the bars in South Haven…because I was not yet 21.  It is to that group of fine individuals we owe a great debt, as they were the first to show me how to invert a life jacket to facilitate buoyancy sufficient to accommodate drinking a beverage in the lake.

 

I ended each summer with a full-throttle blast around the whole lake on each of the skis…well…except for that one summer when my enjoyment was severely truncated by a broken back.  The doctors apparently frowned upon jet skiing with fractured vertebrae.  No fun.

 

I really enjoyed that condo…but Mom and Dad had…BIG PLANS.

 

 

 

 

 

Paw Paw Lake House

 

My first impression was…WOW.  What a cool house, what a cool location.  This was also the first second home that I would have a bit more “freedom” to access…being as I had my own vehicle.  This was a whole new dynamic, as I was just graduating college and on the fast track towards marriage and “adulthood”…it was SUPER cool to be able to take off on weekends and indulge in my passion for watersports…especially considering the new 750SX standup I had bought.

 

Frequent guests at that time included our friends Aaron and Heather, John and Roxanne, an increasingly present Bob, and then lots of parental invitees, like Dan and Ana, Aunt Dee, Yolanda, Aunt Cindy and Uncle Doug, Kenny and Diane, and, of course…the “perfect family”…the Rosiers.  Michelle and I threw one absolutely righteous party one Saturday night, with a bunch of friends from home and the local ski club crew…funny but I don’t remember a lot of detail from that night.

 

When Michelle and I were married, our wedding present to each other was a 750ZXi sit down ski (and a two-place trailer), and we frequented 80/94 all spring/summer/fall with that package towed behind my Jeep.  Our technique for getting them in the water was pretty dialed, as I’d launch Michelle on the sit down, and she’d tow the standup back to the house as I drove the Jeep.  The 550 went down the road to Cory (only to come back a couple years later), and the Sea Doo SP was replaced by an SPi.  There were a LOT of good times had on those machines (and some bad…as a busted steering cable on the 750 standup was another of the mechanical “experiences” jet skiing provided, lol).  Mother’s Day weekend of 1999 or 2000 saw Cory and I out on the skis with air temperature of 40 degrees, and the water a balmy 39.  This was dedication to our craft…or possibly just stupid.   We invented a game involving tennis balls and the sit down skis that was almost certainly unsafe to a high degree.  I’m also pretty sure part of my current shoulder problems were the result of dragging behind the sit down with one arm holding on, and the other holding my shorts.

 

Out of the water during those years, we frequented the bars in South Haven at night, Captain Lou’s and the Idler being the favorites.  In town, the Friendly Tavern was always the best place to eat, and when we wanted to drink local, The Bend and the infamous Club Rocadero were the places the go.  The Rocadero was legendary in its own right…no glass bottles served after 7 pm to deprive the locals of weaponry during a fight, lol.  If we stuck around home, drinks in frozen mugs were the order of the day, Mom’s slushies in particular, and my penchant for rum was born around this time.  The “Dew Rum Run” combination of Malibu and Mountain Dew was apparently too much for my heart, however, resulting in the “Dr. Death” incident, where one little fainting episode led to an overnight stay in the Coloma hospital with the diagnosis of an enlarged heart looming overhead.

 

We expanded our presence at the lake with the purchase of a rental house (the scene of another AWESOME party that included Michelle and I, Jeff, Kevin, Tori and a host of others and started at the Bend and ended with skinny dipping).  Aunt Cindy and Uncle Doug had bought a house on the lake by then, and the pole barn was built shortly afterwards.  The main house was marked for all with the upside-down mannequin legs on the sewer cover…and they took an unsolicited journey to another shore just about the same time someone went into my Jeep and helped themselves to my wallet.  Between that and the recent incidence of little kids breaking the wine bottle display Dad created our issues with the local populous were minimal.  I mixed it up with them and other vacationers at the Peach Fest 10k…taking 2nd overall and coming home just as everyone else was waking up. 

 

In 2001, things took a turn for us, as we set our sights on boating.  Dad went with me to test drive a 29 Powerquest in St. Joseph…and that event tipped off what is now a 20 year run of offshore boat ownership.  As a result, we didn’t get to spend as much time in the Coloma pad as we had in the past, but with Shelly, Bob, and the additions of Meagan and Nick, the house remained full.  Mom and Dad became social creatures of the lake and staples at the yacht club.  They formed lasting friendships with neighbors Scott and Janet and Doug and Norma.  The faithful 4 Winns went down the road, replaced by a Harris Kayot deck boat, named “Sommer Ours.”  When we DID make it up there, jet skiing was still a thing for a while, along with hanging out in the swimming hole, using the paddle boat, and one EPIC tube/squirt gun battle with the kids.

 

Winter was once again a “thing” at our second home starting in 2007 when Michelle and I bought snowmobiles.  We got to explore southwest MI via sled, with the best stop being the late Keeler Keg.  We got Dad out a couple times, but he had a bad juju with the sleds, and they always seemed to break with him riding.  Our extra sled “Polly” did not seem to care for him, and we had to leave her on the side of the trail once when the suspension broke, and another time it wouldn’t fire on all three cylinders.  We tried to rectify that one by putting him on BZ’s Apex…only to have that sled lose a bearing a mile from the trailhead.  He gave up snowmobiling at that point.  The one time my boating crew went snowmobiling in Coloma, both the Friendly Tavern and T’s Tap somehow ran out of Grey Goose, Dennis launched Brian into (and through) the wall, and I VERY fortunately woke up in time to direct BZ to the bathroom.  Probably a good thing this only happened once.

 

These past couple years, we’ve been getting up to Coloma a bit more.  The house is remodeled, the Harris has been replaced by a pontoon boat, the jet skis are all gone, so we’ve concentrated on other activities.  Biking around the lake has been replaced by some more adventurous road rides, and more recently by mountain biking at Yankee Springs, Fort Custer, and the SUPER close trail at Andrews University.  Kayaks and the standup paddleboard have replaced the jet skis, and resulted in some pretty cool experiences including being out on the lake at night in the middle of thousands of migratory birds and paddling the Paw Paw River.  Boat rides have become cocktailing events as opposed to watersport events.  In short, we seem to have slowed down a bit, but still, we’ve enjoyed every second…in our second home.

 

 

It’s really hard to write a conclusion to this compendium.  There are so many emotions at play, so many memories, so many good times.  The biggest issue is trying to wrap my head around just how big a role these places played in actually shaping me as a person.  In many ways, they taught me to love the outdoors, boats, wildlife, and the trappings of two great states.  More importantly, they served their intended purpose of bringing us all together as a family.  We all grew up together in these places, we all grew closer in these places.  I’ve gone from the kid who couldn’t wait to get out of bed and go fishing to the guy who can’t wait to have a cocktail or two with my parents on the deck, and it has been one hell of a fun journey to this point.

 

So, to Mom, Dad, Michelle, Shelly, Bob, Meagan and Nick, I want to say thank you.  I’m so lucky to have such an incredible family.  I love you all.  Thank you for all these years.  Cent’Anni.

Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Hundo FUNDO? A Crisis of Confidence and Mountain Bikes

 

Hundo Fundo?   A Crisis of Confidence and Mountain Bikes.

 

So it began with a “suggestion” by my wife…”Hey…you should do this race.”  Admittedly, I wasn’t in the mindset for racing anything this year, but the fact that it was at what is arguably my favorite trail system (Buffalo Creek in Bailey, CO), and only 40 minutes from our new condo swayed the deal considerably.  When the email showed up saying that registration was opening…I just went ahead and signed my name on the line.  That was back in March, the race date was June 19th…I figured I’d have plenty of time to attempt to whip myself into some semblance of fitness in the interim.  As with other races I’ve done in locales different from my flat-ass Midwestern home, training for a race at altitude with a lot of elevation change proved to be difficult…and for some reason, my motivation just wasn’t there like it was prior to big stage races like Breck Epic.  As I toed the line on that Saturday morning, all I was thinking was…”OK…the longest ride I’ve done this year has been 40-some miles and about 4 hours.  This is almost 65 miles and 7600 feet of climbing.  That math does not work.”  Confidence levels were extremely low with regard to finishing potential.

 

FORTUNATELY…I had an ace in the hole.  Our new friends Tom and Ginger from Evergreen had introduced me to their friend Scott and his wife Christine at packet pickup the previous Sunday.  The other three were doing the Hundito 50k race, but Scott was doing the big one, and he was basically just looking to have a nice, fun ride and make it to the finish…kinda like me.  Being a CO resident and avid rider, Scott was and is a WAY more fit person than me, and I was reticent to accept his offer to ride together for fear of slowing him down and harshing his overall Hundo experience.  He laughed off my concerns, and said “WE are doing this…and it will be great.”  OK.  Confidence levels slightly improved.

 

After a week of extremely hot temperatures (Michelle and I rode at Buffalo Creek the prior Tuesday in 100 degrees), it was refreshing to be standing at the start line with temps in the upper 50s, going to up to a high of 78…basically perfect weather for a ride…a really long ride.  Scott was all smiles, I was all nerves, and I was pretty concerned about the opening couple miles, which were on two-track, road, and some fire road.  This kind of riding always gets in my head, as the exhilaration of a speeding downhill is so rapidly and painfully replaced by a slow grind in your lowest gear…with the top clearly in sight at all times.  I had to deal with about 9 miles of this, and was completely unsure of how to pace myself and make sure to ride within my abilities to make up the entire distance.  Confidence…wavering at best.

 

At the crack of the gun, we started rolling.  There was to be a two mile neutral rollout, which I have experienced with mixed results in other events.  At times, “neutral” means everyone is chatting and slow rolling…and at other times…it has meant head on the bars, ass on the rivet charging just to stay with the group.  Unfortunately for me and my wavering confidence, this one was the latter.  It was a dusty two track, and Scott disappeared quickly into the cloud.  I followed him past a couple riders, but quickly decided this pace was NOT for me, and I just let him go.  When we hit the first climb, I knew it would be painful, but the added mental weight of how easily Scott rode away from me, combined with watching helplessly (and breathlessly) as rider after rider passed me by was not an easy thing to deal with.  Legs and lungs were burning, and I seriously considered just turning around and rolling back to the truck after about 3 or 4 miles.  Clearly I was in over my head.  Confidence was at zero.

 

About 6 miles of misery in, at the top of a hill…stood Scott.  I was amazed, and more than a little happy to see him, but again, I told him he needed to go on without me, as I had SERIOUS doubts that I would be finishing all 64.8 miles.  He laughed it off and said, “let’s go.”  Another three miles of less-than-fun trail…and we FINALLY hit some beautiful, wonderful SINGLETRACK.  Buff Creek is classic cross country riding.  Roots, rocks, ups, downs, tight turns, awesome berms, drops…it really has everything I love about mountain biking.  I perked up as soon as we hit it, and flew through the first couple miles, picking off riders that weren’t as adept at handling offroad terrain.  Scott was right behind me cheering me on and having fun…and my confidence level edged ever-so-slightly upwards.  THIS…was what I signed up for.

 

We rolled through the first aid station without stopping, I had plenty of water and had just started feeling good, Scott was same.  The Baldy climb was just over 1000 feet…Scott said “This one will take about 20 minutes or so.”  I’m thinking…the LONGEST sustained climb on my “home” trail is MAYBE 2 minutes, lol.  But climb we did, and rolling over the top was another confidence booster, followed by an aid station where I took a couple handfuls of peanut MnMs and ½ of a banana, plus pocketed a gel for later…then onward we rolled.  I was actually ALMOST enjoying myself at this point, but knew I still had a LONG way to go, so my confidence still was not there when it came to finishing.  Onward we rolled.

 

Aid 3 was at the bottom of a super-fun downhill, and while grabbing some more fuel, we were told that the next aid station was a mere 5 miles away.  The only issue was…it was 5 miles…UP.  The Nice Kitty trail was decidedly NOT nice…especially on the steep ramps on the lower part.  Again, we were fortunate with the weather, because the lack of shade towards the top would have been brain-frying.  I found my climbing legs on this one, and was using a bigger gear per my singlespeed roots…I was feeling pretty good at the top when we hit the aid station, which we rolled through pretty quickly.  Only, it WAS NOT THE TOP.  I knew this from looking at the course profile…starting at the bottom of Nice Kitty, it was basically a 12 mile constant incline, and the Colorado Trail followed by Little Scraggy was a recipe for disaster for me.  Any positivity I had experienced at the last aid was dumped in the dirt about ½ way up Little Scraggy…confidence evaporated…and, finally, after about 40 miles…I had to stop.  Scott still stayed with me despite me pleading for him to just take off.  I told him I really didn’t think there was a chance for me to finish at this point.  In spite of my dire condition, I knew that I had to keep going…no Medivac helicopter was going to pick me up and whisk me away to someplace with rum.  I got back on the bike, and topped out Little Scraggy at about 8500 feet and mile 42…and my confidence was all but gone.  Energy level was severely compromised, the needle was bouncing off “E.”  Still, there was over 20 miles to go…but it started with a DOWNHILL.

 

After 12 miles of climbing, we were treated to 8 MILES of downhill.  Talk about putting a smile on the face and a cramp in the calves…again, the longest “sustained” downhill for me locally is just about 1 minute, lol.  I struggled a bit when I washed out my front wheel on a turn and on my recovery, something in my right shoulder popped and suddenly I couldn’t pull up on the bars.  It gradually felt better as we descended, but for a couple miles, I was hurting.  The Shinglemill trail finished off the descent, and OMG it was impossible not to smile.  We were flying, and actually really having fun at that point.  At the bottom, we were greeted by some volunteers telling us the next aid station was only ½ mile away…uphill.  I knew that there couldn’t be many miles left, so…amazingly…I started thinking there was the TINIEST possibility I might pull this off.  More MnMs, more bananas, more water, more electrolytes…anything to fuel myself to the finish.

 

Scott said…all we have to do is get up Baldy again (that previous “20 minute climb”).  Oh boy…only now there were 53 miles on my legs…so 20 minutes was PROBABLY not gonna happen.  We started up a long fireroad incline, then hit the singletrack and went UP.  Then, maybe 15 or so minutes in…disaster struck.  Cramping in my right hamstring.  It came on quickly, and I quickly shut down so as not to pull a muscle.  I had to stop and walk to loosen things up.  Scott read the writing on the wall and left me to my misery, to his great credit.  The remainder of the climb was…well…let’s just say I’d rather not talk about it.  By the time we hit more fire road at the top and climbed some more to the final aid station at Mile 60…I was STILL not confident that I’d be able to finish.  This was certainly proving to be one of the tougher days I’ve had on a bike.

 

I inquired at the aid station about the status of the remaining course…with all hope in my voice…I said “It’s all downhill from here, right?  RIGHT?!?!?!!?”  The course volunteer said…”I wish I could tell you yes, but I can’t to that.”  Sigh.  We ended how the race started…on a dirt road with screamingly fast downhills and agonizingly slow and crampy uphills.  Scott would ride ahead, and wait for me as I struggled to maintain forward momentum, weaving crazily all over the road.  At this point, finishing was inevitable, but just how painful it would be was to be determined.  I kept drinking and taking in electrolytes in the hopes that my leg would not totally lock up…and luckily it did not.  We took the final turn to the finish line, Michelle and Christine and Ginger were waiting to cheer us in, and I happily dismounted after 7 hours 22 minutes and 50 seconds of struggle and…fun?  Yeah…I’m pretty sure I had fun.  I’m still in disbelief that I managed to finish, lol.

 

Post ride was wonderful, as we had free beers, free burritos, and then a tailgate party with our new CO friends.  Next year, I think I’ll skip the riding part and go right to the party part.

 

So many thanks are owed to Tom and Ginger, Scott and Christine, and my loving and supportive wife Michelle.  Another stupid ride in the books…I SWEAR I’m done doing this to myself!  I’m retired!

 

Before the race, I told Scott “I usually finish right in the mid-pack on these things.”  Final results:  92nd place out of 179 finishers.  7 hours 22 minutes 51 seconds. 

Friday, November 20, 2020

You wanna know what's wrong? One man's opine...

 It's November in 2020, and dystopian novels have proven to be both prescient and unheeded.  I've had drinks, and I need to express myself in the only artform with which I have a modicum of talent, that of the written word.

WHAT IS WRONG.  I've just finished watching a documentary on Hunter S. Thompson.  Certainly a genius, not a role model nor even a person I'd wish to follow down any of his chosen paths in life.  But...a genius in his vision of society, and, unfortunately, eventually a victim to his own predictions of destruction.

WHAT IS WRONG.  You cannot ask any significant portion of the American populous who their favorite author is and expect an answer that is supported with detail and reason.  The age of the learned and objective pundit is dead.  Or...at least the age of the reasoned pundit is dead, anyway.  What killed it?  The cathode ray tube.  Instantaneous media.  The Facebook.  The 24 hour news cycle.  The death of objectivity through the dearth of time taken towards cognition as opposed to abject reaction.  We only react, we no longer think.

HST invented a method of reporting on society that was both piercingly real, but hyperbolically fantastic.  It takes a bit to get used to figuring out where the line is drawn, and the reality dissolves into the symbolic...but his gift to those who read him is the clarity with which those far-reaching absurdities so accurately capture the human condition.  It's raw.  It's embarrassing.  It's difficult.  It can be tedious, but the man...who was about as "liberal" as they come...had an affinity for guns and powerful motorcycles that stepped outside the halls of the "learned left" and into sharply defined reality without regard for dichotomy. His love for life was eventually crescendoed by a bullet.  

P.J. O'Rourke.  Both a contemporary and a student of Hunter.  National Lampoon editor.  Rapier wit, and subtle yet qualified economic and political bard.  His is a tale of "boomer" America, and, thankfully, as resistance to reactionary journalism.  His compendium of written work spans the whole spectrum of political ideology...something imperative in an eventual arrival at what one can finally call...WHAT I BELIEVE.  Personally, even though my ethos does not entirely intermingle with his, I find that the journey described and the experiences that have shaped his positions to be a thing I aspire to in my own quest for a solid structure of belief.

WHAT IS WRONG.  Not enough people have read Vonnegut.  Gaimon.  Bryson.  Twain.  Abbey.  Ambrose. Jack freakin' London.  If you want to see America...if you want see our world...my opinion lies strongly in the belief that the written word...actually...the well-considered written word...holds the answers.  Now, we attribute a talking head on a screen to reality, all too frequently that reality is solidified for each one of us when it agrees with our core feelings about a subject.  

WHAT IS WRONG.  Feelings...however strong...do not constitute reality, which, last time I checked, is based in fact.  Today, fact and reality are snowed under by belief, and the strength of beliefs is bolstered by a constant stream of targeted information...the marketing of falsehood.  The truth is...out there.  And it won't be spoon-fed to you.

WHAT IS WRONG.  We are quick to judge, quick to attack  and counterattack.  We operate as though those with beliefs contrary to our own MUST BE DEFEATED.  Henry Clay's old bones must be spinning around underground, not that his role as "The Great Compromiser" didn't eventually result in a bloodbath.  Compromise is dead...killed by a basal understanding and gradual implementation and exploitation of human behavior. We have been corrupted by marketing.

WHAT IS WRONG. "Reaching across the aisle" is now considered to be basic impotence.  There are people who won't read this for the centrist rant it is intended to be, simply because they know...or think they know...my particular political bent.  Before I am representative of a "party," I am an American.  I do not think I am alone.  I am a student of the comparatively short history of this Great Experiment.  My heroes have always been visionaries in the guise of Thomas Jefferson and Theodore Roosevelt.  Men who history reveres, but men who, when studied, were most certainly not without fault (what man is?).  What would they think about the America of today?

WHAT IS WRONG.  Contention does not have to be divisive.  Contention SHOULD be based in fact.  What is wrong...is that "fact" is under fire, and media is holding the gun.  We are being played against each other.  We are being systematically programmed to hate.  Take ONE step back from the argument you are so fervently banging the keys on your computer to support...and breathe.  Take TWO steps back...and consider the point of the opposition.  Take THREE steps back...and STUDY EXACTLY what you are attempting to countermand.  Take your TIME to do this, as great minds and authors of the past have done.  See if your general attitude changes, and SOLUTION begins to rear its head.


This might just be pissing in the howling wind of divisiveness that is gripping this country like never before.  This is a tiny posting in a hurricane of discord.  This is a TL;DR for a lot of people.  But, however small, it is my plea for unity.  It is my bridge across the divide.  It is an apolitical request for humanity through humility.  Fly the flag of your cause, but make sure it is planted in truth and reason.  Find that truth and reason might just mean common ground and a way forward for this country.  Take a hard look at WHAT IS WRONG...and do your damndest to find a way to make it right.






Wednesday, January 15, 2020

What the hell happened in 2019

A year in review...aka The Lost Christmas Letter

Well...let's see...2019 began in Eden.  Powder Mountain was the last of 4 ski resorts we hit on our Christmas - New Years sojourn...the others being Park City/Canyons, Snowbird, and Snow Basin.  Per usual, we had a good time, especially at PowMow with our Indiana friends Kyle and Colorado and Beth...and a bottomless snowpack.

The next weeks saw one of the better snowmobile seasons in recent memory...and the first time Michelle ever really wrecked me.  Thankfully, Gorilla tape was the only necessary repair required.

More winter fun included go-carting with Nick and Meg, and getting a ride in the Presque Isle Sno-Bunnies groomer.

The polar vortex hit hard, but only one of us suffered through...as I was "stranded" in California mountain biking for 8 days.  It was hard.  Very hard.

SPRANG BRAKE found us in Arizona...with hiking taking place in Phoenix, followed by hiking AND biking with Beth in lovely Sedona.  It was so nice to have warm and dry after months of cold and wet.  We walked the White Line and went to a Buddhist meditation thing.  We found zero vortices.

We bought another boat.  It was supposed to be a snowmobile, but ended up being another boat.

Memorial Day was a confused mess of options until we happened upon a wonderful combination of boating and mountain biking at Land Between the Lakes in Kentucky.  Little 27 Donzi was perfect...even though she was only running on 7 cylinders.  Oops.  Mtb was perfect Michelle-level riding...and I had fun too.  There are bars with fruity drinks and a nice party cove...plus two huge lakes.  We liked it so much, we went again for Labor Day.

Then...it was the BIG TRIP.  Hawaii.  Kaua'i was incredible.  We had a condo on the beach with pigeons.  The hiking was awesome...the trail names had a lot of vowels.  The Napali Coast was amongst the most amazing things we've seen...and we saw it by land, sea and air.  7 days of beauty, gorgeous hikes and beaches.  Oahu was family time.  Honolulu was decidedly NOT pretty.  Tourists doing tourist things...we are not.  Climbed Diamond Head, went surfing, beach yoga, Pearl Harbor, Uncle Cliff and SPAM.  Day trip to Maui.  Private waterfalls are the best waterfalls....would do again.

Lake of the Ozarks for 4th of July.  More work than fun...might be could be last time we make that drive?  Still squeaked out a good time with good people.

Michelle has chick adventure #2...with heavier emphasis on the "chick."  Montana.  Glacier National Park.  Hiking with Terry and Lindsey, then meeting Colorado and Amy for 3 days of flannel fun at mountain bike retreat.  Mike goes to WI and wins a 6 hour mountain bike race in a downpour.

We do Chicago Scene Boat Party, go wakeboarding/wakesurfing/jet skiing on Lake Geneva.  Sommer summer fun.

Mike decides to do something stupid and enters a 3 day stage race in Canada.  Matt does a dumber thing and agrees to accompany him.  Its way, way harder than predicted, but check another off the list.

We grab the last vestiges of summer with a Tuesday night boat ride downtown.  The next day it is fall.

Bike things in fall...Wine Ride #2 in SW MI....good fun with great people.  TRIBE.  Brown County Big Woods Epic...more of the same.  Untrained Michelle knocks out 40+ miles on a cold but beautiful fall day.  Mike is super happy.  Cemetary 6Pack.  Many good friends and good times.

Fall seemed boring and long, but we managed to have a fun downtown weekend with Open House Chicago, headed to Terre Haute, IN to watch NCAA CC Nationals, and went to two Bear games...one at home...and one bucket list at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. The frost froze on my pocket beers.

Winter came in October and left in December.  We rode our bikes in shorts on Christmas Day.

Now you know what happened...and now you'll remember.





Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Crank The Shield - One Man's Painful Perspective

Yet again, the seemingly insatiable desire to mentally and physically torture myself under the guise of having a good time has resulted in mileage under wheel and under foot.  And yet another finish line has been crossed.  I am ALMOST resigned to stating that I just MIGHT not stop doing this to myself....?  Yeah...right.

Buckle up campers...it's time for a tale of what it was like for a dude that retired from racing like 4 races ago to toe the line and grind out the event that was:  CRANK THE SHIELD 2019.

Prologue:  I'm not very good at doing nothing, so riding my mountain bike is an almost daily occurrence.  Sometimes, riding just for riding's sake is enough, and sometimes having a challenge or goal in mind adds a bit of spice to the mix...especially during the long, cold, wet spring months.  I hadn't had a "goal" race set since the Breck Epic of 2017, and 2019 was looking to be the first time in many years I had gone a full 2 seasons WITHOUT something big and stupid to do.  The exceptionally cold, wet, rainy winter, spring, and early summer Chicago dealt us this year quite literally put a damper on my riding in general, much less any targeted "training."  I wasn't bored, but in the back of my mind, I knew I wanted a challenge.  Vacations and work scheduling precluded any event prior to late summer or fall, and it was a happenstance posting on a Facebook page that caught my eye as something where the timing would work...and, honestly, it didn't look IMPOSSIBLY difficult and was thusly more "on par" with my level of fitness.  Crank The Shield is a 3-day stage race north of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada...total distance was going to be in the 110-115 mile range with around 10,000 feet of climbing, but much of it on gravel fire-roads and two tracks.  Eminently do-able, IMO.  So, about a month to go before the start...I signed up.

Training and Preparation:  In retrospect, this section of the blog post SHOULD  be a lot longer.  But, it's not.  Partly because I only had one month, and partly (mostly) because I underestimated the difficulty of the event...by a lot.  About the only extra efforts I put into my normal biking routine were a couple 4 hour touring rides of the local trails (one on my singlespeed) and a 6-hour Wisconsin Endurance Mountain bike Series race that I conveniently won (adding to the confidence level that was already overinflated).  The end.

OH, CANADA.

Thursday morning at 6am found me in the driveway of Matt W, a veteran of two Breck Epics and 3 Cemetery 6-Packs among other things, who had fool heartedly agreed to accompany me on this sojourn...on only about 10 days notice.  Again, my confidence was somehow elevated knowing he had even less "training" than me...which makes NO sense at all.  With my trusty pop-up camper in tow, we headed east and then waaaaaaaaaay north, crossing the Mackinac Bridge (which I had boated under almost exactly one year prior), then crossing into Canada at Sault Ste. Marie and hitting that button on the dashboard that makes everything seem faster because it goes from mph to kph.

A 25 minute drive north of the city of SSM put us out into some beautiful country, with trees, rolling hills and the Goulet River.  Everyone seemed to be towing something fun...campers, ATVs, boats...so it was clear that we were in vacationland.  We made our way to Stokely Creek Resort, which is apparently heaven-on-Earth to the cross-country ski set in the winter.  Endless miles of groomed XC ski trail, warming huts in the backcountry, and a lodge made up of several cozy buildings that would soon be filled with mountain bikers.  We were among the first to arrive, and had our pick of where to park and set up the camper.  Matt had weaseled his way into a room at the lodge, and brought his gear inside, and then we both took several minutes to figure out the logistics of the coming days.

Crank the Shield is a unique event in many ways, chief among them would be the course itself.  While technically based at Stokely Creek...the start was somewhat...different.  From Stokely, we drove the truck back down to SSM with our bikes and gear for day one, checked in at Outspoken Brewery (damn right mountain biking!), and handed our precious carbon bike-cycles (Ibis Ripley for me and Yeti SB4.5C for Matt) over to the organizers to be loaded onto a TRAIN for the morrow.  Yup...we would be taking the Agawa Canyon scenic train ride in the morning to get to the starting line far north out into the bush.  Certainly a cool thing, and a great way to showcase the area.  After a dinner and a couple beers, we checked into our hotel, which was conveniently located closely by both the brewery and local bike shop (Algoma Cycles)...and only a couple blocks from the train station. 

Sleep didn't come easily due to anticipation, but it had been a long day.

ALL ABOARD...

6am saw a LOT of very fit-looking people at the Holiday Inn complimentary breakfast...and two dudes from IL slightly disappointed that they only served regular bacon and not Canadian bacon.  Fueled up and amped, we drove the truck over to the train station and about 10 minutes later, our ride came steaming down the tracks.  Groups of riders were chatting about course expectations, where they were from, and whether they'd done this event in the past (this was the 8th year...and the second using this portion of Ontario).  We all clambered aboard, and Matt and I flopped into a couple seats in the car adjoining the "food" car (pastries and coffee were served during the ride).  We chatted up the guy across from us...quickly determining that he was an exceptionally fit rider...and eventually finding out he was not only a previous rider at the event...but a previous winner.  Peter Glassford couldn't have been nicer, and we had a great running convo for the length of the ride, which helped me avoid any nervousness that I tend to build prior to a starting line.  We also learned that a toque was a Canadian hat.

We came to a stop in the Middle of Nowhere, Ontario, Canada, and everyone disembarked, then formed chains to help unload all of the bikes.  We were given about 1/2 hour to get situated, the sun was shining, mood was high, and I couldn't wait to get started on what was to be an 80 k (yeah...it was a week spent doing quick kilometer to miles math in my head)...or 50 mile...ride to Stokely Creek.  The course description stated that much of the day was to be on gravel roads and two tracks, with several creek crossings and a small section of singletrack after the second aid station at mile 37.  There were smiles all around, Matt and I high-fived and wished each other luck...and somebody yelled "GO!"

Things got really dusty, really fast, as the leaders moved up the road.  I tried to stay conservative...as 50 miles would be about the longest ride I've had all year...but I kept jumping from group to group and moving through the pack on what was basically a dirt road.  We turned into a double track that was pretty closed in by foliage...branches were whipping your arms no matter what side you rode on...and I was still in a lot of traffic when we hit the first creek crossing.  It was about knee-deep and very rocky, so a dismount was required, and the cold water was quite refreshing on the legs.  This spread things out a bit, and I wound up riding with a couple that had matching kits featuring the front and back ends of a cat, which was particularly amusing.  They were riding REALLY strong, and I was still trying to find my tempo, so I backed off a bit and wound up largely by myself.  The terrain was rolling, and the surface varied from swampy loam to sand to loose 3-6" rocks to embedded large rocks.  I found that I was really strong on the uphills, largely because I was mashing a bigger gear and floating over the rough terrain as opposed to immediately dumping into the spinny gears and bouncing over everything.  This works great right up until you CAN'T turn that big gear, lol.

The ride got serious probably 8 miles in when we hit the first "wall" of the day...and it was the first of many.  Off the bike and pushing seems to be the norm in every stage race I've done, but the frustration of it in this particular race was compounded by the fact that you were technically walking up a "road," and you could always see the top.  The descents were largely the "hang onto your ass and hope" high-speed variety, almost inevitably with a section of 5" deep pea gravel or sand at the bottom ready to send your front wheel into the next province.  After a beautiful double-creek crossing, we were treated to about a 10 minute climb...I managed to stay in the saddle for maybe 70% of it...but it was a burner.  I decided I needed to slow down at the first aid station shortly after.

I didn't slow down, though, because my legs like to only ride one pace.  So...I suffered.  I saw very few other riders, which I took to be a good thing because it meant I must be up front (or very, very far off the back).  We rambled through a hydrocut (Canadian for "power lines") area with a ton of sand, and eventually came out to a spectacular vista of the Lake Superior shoreline.  It was breathtaking...and I really, really NEEDED that breath!  I then rolled up on a course marker arrow that was unlike many I'd yet seen...it was pointed down for some reason.  It wasn't lying, however.  Next thing I knew, I was hurtling down the world's worst slip'n'slide...being made up of about 200 vertical feet of round 5-7" rocks (400-600 centimeters or something like that I'm not doing the conversion).  The three people that had been in front of me were all walking...but I couldn't stop, so I dropped my dropper post and just let 'er rip.  I made it down in one piece AND on both wheels...and I still don't really know how.

Aid Two never seemed to arrive, as the hills were relentless, but when it did, I knew I only had 20 km to go (a bit over 12 miles).  A couple locals I spoke with while rolling said "It's ALL uphill to the finish" but I figured that just what locals like to do.  Nope.  This is Canada and people don't bullshit you.  I grabbed a couple bananas and some Gatorade, and decided to forego the offers of hot dogs and beer that Matt would heartily take advantage of, and decided I just wanted to knock this thing out.  We immediately entered a SUPER sketchy singletrack that was described as "rideable," but for the life of me, I cannot figure out by whom.  I was forced off the bike by impossibly steep rock drops and ascents, slick mossy boulders, wet roots, and loamy berms, and basically walked my bike for the next 2/3 mile, which was disheartening, seeing as it was largely DOWNHILL.  Upon a horrible creek crossing exit, the next serving of pain was delivered in the form of a grassy, embedded boulder-strewn field, followed by a soul-crushing gradual grass/gravel climb.  At this point, I figured I had probably 10 miles to go...and I was almost on empty.  Still, I kept turning the pedals and hoping that finish line would come...metering my efforts on the climbs and dismounting to walk rather than burying myself.  Those damn locals really hadn't lied.  At 11k or so to go, I encountered a rider at a creek crossing, who was apparently out of water because he asked me if I thought it was OK to drink. I said I didn't know...but also that I wouldn't do it...and offered him a sip off my bottle...which was only 1/2 full and my ONLY liquid left, my Camelback having gone dry a couple minutes earlier.  He politely refused, and we rode together to the next checkpoint about 1k later, where the guy directing us to turn had some water for the dude.  It must've really helped because about a mile later he passed me like I was going backwards (note:  I may have actually been going backwards at this point).  6 miles to go...more rolling hills, more grass, more gravel...but I was not stopping.  And then...I had to stop. With about one mile to go, the inside of my right hamstring engaged in open revolt...and suddenly I couldn't pedal.  I tried to just use my left leg, but didn't have much success.  Finally, I had to stop and stretch for a minute, then gingerly get back on the bike and HOPE the cramp didn't return.  Fortunately, we were treated to a fun, short, steep downhill singletrack before the finish line...which mercifully came after 5 hours, 31 minutes in the saddle.  25th place overall.  Whew.

Pizza at the finish line is the greatest and best thing I've ever experienced and CTS had on the first two days.  I inhaled a couple slices along with a ton of water and Gatorade, retreated to my popup (which I was lucky enough to have...other riders that were tenting had to finish the race and THEN set up their tents!), and grabbed  a quick shower.  In order to celebrate feeling more like a human being, I propped my feet up and had a rum and coke while waiting for Matt to finish, which he did just over an hour later.  A couple cocktails, a delicious dinner of chicken and mashed potatoes, and the constant exchange of war stories with other competitors made for a quick evening, and after a LONG day, we hit the sack early, legs aquiver.


DAY TWO SUCKED

I mean...why sugarcoat things?  Positivity is a key in any distance event, and keeping your brain in a good place contributes in a BIG WAY to keeping your body moving always forward.  Day Two hurt my brain...and my body.  The more sadistic reader will appreciate the following...

It rained off and on all night, and rain seems to echo off the roof of my camper for some reason.  The same happened on one night of the Pisgah Stage Race, and I swear I counted every single raindrop that hit.  This did NOT result in a restful evening.  Nobody told my leg muscles to stop firing, and my brain was awash with thoughts of the previous ride and apprehensions about the upcoming two...especially now that wet trails were going to be a factor.  Day Two was billed as having more singletrack, which I very much looked forward to, but I also know that wet rocks and roots are a great way to turn fun into NO fun.  I was first in line at breakfast, having gotten to the dining room an hour before it was served, and by the time the food came out, I was ready to eat the light fixtures.  Scrambled eggs and bacon...my favorite long-effort morning fuel.  I hit the starting line with a modicum of positivity...and my legs felt OK, but both were undermined by the knowledge of how much that first day took out of me.

Everyone we had spoken to at dinner and breakfast seemed to be in the same boat (well...except for Peter...who was crushing it).  Matt and I together and separately yakked with people from all over Ontario, and then some folks from MI and even Mexico...it was a good crowd of friendly people bonded together in our mutual suffering...and somehow hungry for more.  Josh was a veteran of 8 years in the Canadian Army and hammering a rigid aluminum bike with a kickstand!  Ashley was killing it in the women's race utilizing her fancy new Shimano 51 tooth cassette.  Matt was looking to take more pictures, drink more beer, and hopefully take a dip in the swimming hole that was featured on the day's course.  Gotta love it.

"GO."  So we went.  I pedaled out SEMI-easy...trying to get a feel for my legs while keeping towards the front of the group before we hit the singletrack.  Oddly enough...my legs felt kinda GOOD.  I was scanning the racers to see if I found anyone I had been with yesterday to try and gauge where I was and/or needed to be, but it was useless.  We hit the singletrack and it was only SLIGHTLY more rideable than yesterday.  Nasty mud bogs, loamy whoops that would catch your chainring, downed trees, slippery rocks, and a good bit of conga-line walking because people were sliding off and having to dismount constantly.  I was starting to not like things.  And then it got way, way worse.  King Mountain was in store, the second highest peak in Ontario, and getting up it was nightmarish.  Starting with a LOOOOOONG grassy climb (again, steep enough that walking was sometimes a better option...but you could see like 1/4 mile in front of you and the grade NEVER slackened), then denigrated into a gnarly, root-filled, slick, muddy singletrack interspersed with wooden bridges so slippery that if you looked at them wrong your eyes would slide off.  I took my only fall of the event by SLIGHTLY turning the wheel at the end of a bridge and instantly flying off the bike.  Hike-a-bike, get on an pedal, get knocked off by a root or a downed tree or a slab of rock, then hike again, for probably a full 1-1/2 hours...just to get to Aid One at 14k into a 50k day.  Ugh.

Finally, I made it.  I can't say I was happy, and I knew more darkness lie ahead, as we had been told there'd be more climbing at the end of the day.  I grabbed a bit of food, and received some encouraging advice from Paul, a mechanic at Algoma Cycles that had helped me out prior to the race.  "There's a couple rollers, but mostly just drop that dropper and have fun on the way down."  I'm sticking to my idea that Canadians aren't bullshitters...so maybe he was thinking of a different trail than the one we took?  I dropped in...but was immediately confronted with a LOT of climbing...and rocks, and roots...followed by a sign that said "Cliff Area - Carry Bike"...which...duh.  After what seemed like an eternity, we emerged on a big slab of rock...and I pulled over to rest (something I never do).  The guy following me did same and we chatted about the insane difficulty of this singletrack...both of us being on the same page that what we were riding was relatively terrible.  We were being made to earn every single meter (appr. 3 feet), and slidey, gnarly downhill that followed was almost as tough as the climb!  I was bottoming out...my positivity tank was on empty.  A couple riders went by and I just tried to find a tempo on the next section of gravel, when I rolled up on another guy and we started talking.  Jason was an ex-pat Aussie living in London, Ontario, my age, and apparently going through the same mental trepidations...in addition to riding the same pace.  It is to him that I owe a great deal, because the camaraderie and misery shared in the last 20 or so kilometers is what got me to the finish line.  We rode through a pretty good section of singletrack then, which raised spirits, then passed by the swimming hole and did a quick stop at Aid Two.  The second climb of the day wasn't QUITE as bad, as it was largely just straight up a grassy hill, replete with a hand-drawn sketch about halfway up telling us we hadn't gotten to the REALLY bad part yet, lol.  Another crazy sketchy downhill followed by some XC ski trails put us back into the same finishing singletrack as the previous day...and again I was so happy to be done.  4 hours 24 minutes to go ONLY 30 MILES.  Yikes.  56th place overall.

It was straight to the bike wash afterward, then to the Mike wash.  I was so zonked I forgot to eat pizza...those who know me will recognize the seriousness of this situation.  I rectified that soon after, then slammed a bunch of water and Gatorade before squelching my pain with rum.  Our tent neighbors Nick and Stacy hung out with us for the afternoon when Matt got back (having taken a nice swim and almost enjoying his day out).  I found out Nick and I had finished pretty close together, and if it were for him taking the Day One "optional" climb of Batchawanna Mountain (20 riders signed up for extra extra pain...and a t-shirt), we'd have likely been right together in the standings.  Dinner (DELICIOUS chili dogs omg) and awards completed...I hit the pillow at 1 million kph.


IT GETS BETTER........right?

So...when I researched this event and signed up for it, somehow I got the impression that it was going to be a 50 mile day, followed by two 30 mile days.  I was REALLY looking forward to having ONLY 30 miles to go on the final day...but I had overlooked some things.  First...I seem to have missed the part about the "neutral rollout" which had been stated as 15 k in length (appr 9 miles).  The only other neutral rollout I've ever done was Stage 1 of Pisgah...and those miles were included in the length of the stage.  Not in this case.  We basically just had to get our carcasses to the starting line by 10am (10am Canadian)...only the 15k was now being stated as more like...20k.  Oh...and something like 750 feet of climbing (#$%& meters).  At least it was all on the road?  Oh...and also...the 50k length of stage?  That wasn't really a thing...its 65k.  So...I awoke in the morning feeling pretty blasted, and was hit with the fact that I was facing basically another 50 mile day (1000 kilometers).  Right.  Right?

We spent the morning breaking down camp (tenters would be putting their stuff in a Uhaul truck to be delivered to the finish line...we would have to drive back up to Stokely to pick up the camper post-race).  If I was uncertain how I felt the day before...I was floating through the cosmos somewhere in terms of what I felt this morning.  Still...my legs responded well when we rolled out of Stokely with Nick, and spent the next hour soft-pedaling so as not to tax the legs too much.  AND THEN...there was about a two freakin' mile uphill.  Anger.  Rage.  Sorrow.  I got to the starting line with 25 minutes to contemplate what I had done to myself and also feed the local mosquito populous.  12 miles and 750 feet of vert just to get to the START.  Then, 38 miles of racing.  Oh boy.

GO.  Up even more.  A 200 foot grind to start the day and really crush those remaining positive thoughts into oblivion.  I wound up next to Nick somehow, and he pulled slightly ahead of me at the top, only to hit an embedded boulder in the grass and fly over his bars.  I asked if he was ok as I passed, but then had problems of my own, as the people in front of me were dismounting for a nasty wet exposed rock section, before remounting, dropping the dropper post and hanging on tight as we bounced down an intense downhill mere feet off the wheel of the next rider.  A super-slick wood bridge with a diabolical downward swoop was the next thing to get me off my bike and pray I didn't slip off to my death (could have ridden it, but with traffic, it was impossible to stop so I walked like the rest).  Remounted again, and the guy behind calls out that he'd like to pass.  I find a wider spot, duck to the left, and he whips by...then immediately hits a root and flies over the bars, his bike careening off into the woods and smacking a tree.  Two more crashes and at least three people with broken bikes or flat tires, and I made it out of the woods unscathed.  Whew.  What a rush!  Am I...happy?!?  NOPE.  Turns out, this trail has just dumped us right at the bottom of the nasty road climb we already had to do once on the rollout. GAH.  10 minutes of grinding...funny how my race pace now looks a LOT like my rollout pace.  Nick catches me again as we cross a highway and continue upwards.  Somehow this gravel road is absolutely saturated...I am wondering how the heck the areas at the TOP of the mountains are wetter than those at the bottom...and I still don't have that answer.  But I digress.  And then I egress the fire road, and into yet another section of horrible hellish, mostly walkable and not rideable by human beings (the leaders of the race don't necessarily count as humans...they are some kind of mutant life form).  I yell to Nick "This is the GOOD stuff, right?"  His response indicated a similar viewpoint...no.  He got away from me on the next section of forest road, which was littered with rocks and downed trees.  Despite all of this...I was moving pretty fast...although I began to feel nauseous for some reason.  At Aid 1, I wanted to eat, I knew I should eat...but I couldn't eat.  I drank some Gatorade and grabbed a packet of peanut MnMs, and then rolled out.

The next gravel section was actually pretty fun...maybe 10 miles or so of pretty flat, fast rocky stuff with the occasional huge puddle or creek to splash through.  My nausea came and went a couple times, but I eventually choked down the MnMs, and nobody passed me, so I felt I was going alright.  Before I knew it, I was at Aid 2, which meant...the home stretch.  20km (12 miles) to go...and it was almost ALL singletrack.  This was a point of consternation, because, as yet, I hadn't really ridden any singletrack that was even remotely FUN...so this 12 miles could be all kinds of bad.  I grabbed 1/2 banana, filled my water bottle with Gatorade, and shoved off.  Thankfully, dear reader, the trails were BLISSFUL for the balance of the ride.  Swoopy, twisty, bermy, flowy...all the good things that come with mountain biking.  It was VERY fun, and I was having a great time.  It was VERY fun, and I was having a great time.  It was VERY fun, and I was still enjoying myself.  It was PRETTY fun and I was starting to get tired.  It was OK but enough is enough.  It was GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS FOREST I WANNA BE DONE.  And then...after a mere 3 hours 58 minutes and 46th place...it was over.


CRANKING THE SHIELD

Well, the Shield (which is what that particular geographical area of Ontario is known as) was cranked.  And so was I.  Wow...way more challenging than I'd anticipated, but at the same time, one of the most positive environments I've experienced at a race event.  Everyone was so friendly, the staff was on-point, the courses were very well marked (even when I was hallucinating I didn't get lost), meals and accommodations were top-notch...a remarkable event.  HUGE kudos to organizer Sean, I cannot imagine the countless hours of prep it took to bring all these random strangers into your backyard, but I appreciate it.

Matt finished as I went and picked up my truck, we enjoyed a post race meal and the awards ceremony before heading back up to Stokely for my camper, then back to the Holiday Inn for a quick shower and meal before the afterparty at the Bushplane Heritage Museum, which was SPECTACULAR.

Thanks to all those we high-fived, cheered on, jeered at, and shared beers with...everyone who threw a leg over a top tube and finished this one should be proud of themselves.

I still think I should probably retire from this kind of thing.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

water water everywhere...

I have often wondered about the human fascination with moving water. Waterfalls, rapids, waves...all of these things seem to touch some deep trigger within our... collective psyche that cause us to stop and just....watch. Please allow me to wax metaphorical when I say that it might just be a subconscious observation of life itself and how it flows in an around us every day. Its like we are in a liquid environment....a constant and simultaneously ever-changing flow that we can never quite get to stop. Our options are to sit on the shore and watch, jump in and fight and thrash to stay in one place, or just literally go with the flow. One thing we cannot do is stop it. You can cup the water of life in your hands, but you can't keep it there for long. I have found that the practice of going with the flow works out the best, but, sometimes that water starts moving VERY quickly and its tough to navigate...and even tougher to hold on to. Every once in a while its nice to slip into an eddy or a protected cove and reflect. I guess that's probably my main reason for writing a blog...taking time to reflect and being able to come back and revisit my own musings in the future is an important way to immerse myself in the flow of life and appreciate every wave.